“the thing that sings to you”

Welcome to Tuesdays with Chel.

“You have to ask yourself, ‘Does this item or thought or response move me closer to my vision for my best life?’ If it does, great. If it doesn’t, what is it doing in your life?”
— Peter Walsh

I have a super-cool announcement to make, but first, my take on thrift:

I have a weird relationship with money.

My mom and dad grew up in rather significant poverty, and when they became adults, they managed to “pull themselves up by their bootstraps” and do well for themselves.

They waited until later in life to have me, so by the time I showed up, money was not as much of an issue. But it was constantly discussed and analyzed. It was a precious thing, to them, to have their own house, to have a car, to have food on the table.

And I knew from a very young age that the reason we had a house and a car and really good food on our table was because my dad left for work at 4am, sharp, six days a week, drove two hours into New York City, worked until 6:30pm, and then made that long drive back home. And got up and did it again, and again, and again, until the day he retired in 1994.

So I always felt a lot of concern about money. And a terrific amount of guilt about everything that I ate, bought, had, wanted. That overwhelming emotion carried into my adult life and I just couldn’t shake it.

But then I had my own child, and I decided that while I wanted Gracie to have a healthy respect for money and the cost of things, I didn’t want her to feel guilt or concern about asking for small treats or enjoying the things she had.

One day when we were discussing it, I told her “it’s not a waste of money if you love that thing *and* you use that thing.” My husband overheard me saying it, and a few weeks later, when I was in a store agonizing over a $6 purchase of something I really loved and wanted, he was all too happy to parrot my words back at me. He has a different relationship with money than I do, and he often tells me that my little decision making process over buying small things is completely unnecessary and the stress I put myself under concerns him.

So, in an effort to restructure my relationship with money, and to balance out my tendency to feel guilty about spending with my core belief that small (reasonable) indulgences are a key part to well-being, I have come up with three rules:

ONLY BUY IT IF YOU LOVE IT.
I don’t mean walking around in Target, saying “oh, I LOVE that! And look at that, I LOVE that!” Because I “love” a lot of things I see. Anything colorful or with a great pattern, and I love it.

I’m talking about the things that SING to you, that make you stop in your tracks, that really speak to a deep part of you. The stuff that inspires you and opens you up a little bit. I’m talking about the things you circle back around to look at twelve times while you are in the store. I’m talking about the things you study, in detail, on your computer screen day after day.

I’m talking about true love, here. And after you fall in love, then there’s rule two:

ONLY BUY IT IF YOU CAN COME UP WITH A NUMBER OF SPECIFIC EXPERIENCES IN WHICH YOU WILL EXPECT TO ENJOY OR USE THE OBJECT .
My rule on purchases is ten times- I need to honestly be able to quickly think of ten specific times, or ten instances, when I will be able to use or experience the item whole-heartedly. It can’t be nebulous, I have to really be able to see myself putting that object to use in my head. For instance, a fussy piece of glass art that would get dusty on a shelf would probably not pass this test, but the beaded lion that was handmade in Africa that sits on our sofa table passes with flying colors. The glass is pretty, but the lion is meaningful on several fronts: I think it’s beautiful, the lion is a personal “totem animal” of mine and reminds me, daily, to stay strong, and it’s also a souvenir from a family trip so there are many happy memories attached to it. It was well worth the money and I don’t regret splurging on it.

Finally:

PUT TIME BETWEEN YOU AND THE OBJECT BEFORE YOU BUY IT.
Even if I’m madly in love with something, I usually won’t buy it on the first pass unless there’s an amazing sale or a chance I’ll never have the opportunity to purchase it again . I notice that most of the time, when I walk away from an object, my desire for it diminishes greatly. It’s the objects I find myself circling around to examine over and over, or wanting to return to the store for, are the ones that really make a difference to me in the long run.

The problem with me (especially when it comes to art and craft supplies), is that I think I love everything and it all inspires me and that I could make some crazy awesome art with it (therefore sailing through rules one and two with flying colors). But, by making myself put the item down and keep looking, I usually find something else I like even more. And the first object sort of becomes a distant memory.

It’s the object I can’t stop going back to that I know might be a contender.

The basic, bottom-line rule of thrift, at least to me, is LOVE. Buy only what you LOVE, buy only what you will regularly use and/or receive joy from, and buy only things you really don’t want to live without. The key to a healthy relationship with money and the things you own is to have an active and engaging *relationship* with them. If they just sit on a shelf, there’s no engagement. But if they inspire joy, or love, or creativity, or comfort, or any other positive response, then there’s energy there. And positive energy is always a great thing.

 

Super cool announcement time!

Bliss Habits will be starting up an interactive book club on the first week of October. The first book is “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron, which is hailed by many as *the* go-to book for both creative people and those wishing to bring more creativity into their life. It’s also been known to be a bit of a challenge, since there’s lot of exercises, ideas, and discussion material in the book.

So each week, on Tuesday, we’ll be discussing one chapter of the book and then carrying the discussion into the comments and on the Bliss Habits facebook page. We’ll be sharing reactions, responses, inspiration, questions, and just generally working through the book, one chapter at a week, as a community. I truly hope you’ll join us. It’s a great opportunity to “do” the book in a focused and organized way, and really have the benefit of a supportive community that’s along for the ride with you. Even if you’ve read it before, please consider giving us the benefit of your expertise!

It all starts October 2nd, 2012.

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Chel Micheline is a mixed-media artist, curator, writer, and avid gardener/reader/swimmer who lives in Southwest Florida with her husband and daughter. When Chel’s not making art or pondering the Bliss Habits, she’s blogging at gingerblue.com (come say hi!) or posting new things in the gingerblue etsy shop.