I’m just thrilled to have the incredibly romantic duo of Chris and Laura from Two INFPs with us for four articles on Love. In the first of their series on the Greek types of love (storge, philia, eros, & agape), today Laura takes a closer look at storge.
When I moved halfway across the country to be with the man I love, it was the happiest time of my life. It was for him as well; in fact, someone mistakenly congratulated the two of us, assuming that we’d recently become engaged. Even now, we’re so lovey sometimes that we joke about how disgusting we must look.
But for me, the happiness declined somewhat after a month or two. There was something huge missing in my life.
Our relationship was—and is—phenomenal, but during that initial period when my focus was solely upon our new love, I fell out of balance with a different kind of love: storge.
Storge is the Greek word for natural affection, or love founded upon familiarity. Most often, this type of love describes love between family members.
The lack of this opened a void in my life.
In my new home state (Texas), I only knew one person. I had no familiarity with anyone or anything besides that. I began to dislike Texas, and therefore my home. It felt absolutely miserable.
When I finally recognized how important interaction with my family is to my happiness, I was faced with a paradox of sorts; I dislike talking on the phone, but talking with my family makes me feel happier.
But sometimes to experience love, it’s necessary to do things you might not particularly care to.
It can help to think of this as a choice: I can make a small (though probably undesired) effort in return for more love and happiness, or I can choose not to make an effort and risk allowing love and happiness to decline. Framing it this way sure helped me get over my phone phobia!
Now that I talk with my family more often and take other efforts to replenish this “familiar love”, my life feels a lot more satisfying.
As with most things, each individual needs a different amount of each kind of love. Maybe they’re
perfectly fine with less storge, but require a LOT of philia—the Greek name for the love of friends. Or perhaps one might have a nearly unquenchable thirst for eros or agape love. The point is to recognize what it is that’s lacking (unless you’re blessed to be loved just as much as you need in every way, of course).
A simple way to recognize whether you need more storge in your life is to ask yourself whether more family interaction would bring you happiness. Or better yet—call up your brother or make a tea date with your mom and see how it makes you feel afterward.
You might have to actually get off the couch and do something. You might have to make the effort to remember important dates and send cards or presents. You might have to set aside your pride and allow yourself to feel vulnerable. You might have to just call already.
As much as these things sometimes feel unappealing, it’s worth it to push past. You’ll probably feel happier for it, whether or not you’re lacking in storge. Or if you are, it could relieve an enormous void in your life, like it did for me.
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Laura shares writing duties with her other half, Christopher Thomas, for their blog Two INFPs. INFPs are one of Myers-Briggs personality types & are often referred to as the Romantics. Together, their mission is to inspire others to cultivate blissful, easy relationships via no-nonsense relationship advice and tips for finding an incredible partner. You can also find them on Twitter andFacebook 
This was wonderful… and I could relate to this very much as I moved from the USA all the way to Norway to be with my husband! The early months were fun, but also very as I knew no one, and it took time to get to know the in-laws, meet other people, get established, learn a new language… it was big stuff! Thankfully husband’s family were great and took me in to their hearts easily, and me them, so it made those initial months, and even first years better. I had to define a new normal and new family! :o)
Tracy, that sounds incredible! It takes a lot of courage to move away from everything and everyone you know, but the fact that your husband’s family was so great must have helped you from becoming too overwhelmed. Love from the in-laws isn’t quite the same as from one’s own parents, but I bet it still helped fill that need 😀 It sounds like you’ve been very blessed!
I know exactly what you’re talking about, Laura. For years, I would have to take 2 week breaks and go ‘home’ because calling on the phone was too expensive. Sounds crazy I know but my husband was active military so I could go places using stand-by which was cheaper than the phone calls. Also there were places where we didn’t even have a phone so the 2 week breaks was all there was for the storge love. One of those places was Greece.
That sounds like quite an adventure! But even with the thrill of traveling to new places, missing home and family can still be hard, can’t it? It’s really lucky that you were able to go back home. Bet that made the transition a lot easier!