Reading “Serenity is that decision to drop anchor in your life. It’s an opportunity to regroup, recharge, and return to your core values. It’s a simple, gentle pause.” in Chel’s post from yesterday, reminded me of a little experiment I have tried from time to time and would benefit from exploring again.
The Pause 1-2-3 experiment. When you notice that you are reacting to something you immediately take a take a pause and count to three. Simple to do. The trick is in noticing when you are reacting. In the past when I have tried this I was not always successful but the more I was trying to incorporate it into my life the better I did get. It is time to work on and to make this a true Serenity Habit!
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” ~Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
How many times a day do I react before pausing? I have no idea, but if I can stop even a few I am certain I can foster a bit more serenity in the process! My, now four year old can only benefit from having a mommy who can reliably do this!
Here are my thoughts from the last time I tried the experiment:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since writing that I would been incorporating a Pause 1-2-3 experiment as one of my Bliss Initiatives for the week, I have been doing my best to pay attention to the times I react too quickly. I’ve noticed that I am generally pretty good when responding to something Sweets or one of her little friends may do. My mantra is “They are only two, why would they know anything else?” and it is easy to respond in a thoughtful way. I have found however that I do not give adults the same benefit. I almost never pause when I interact with my husband. Thankfully we are pretty well in sync with each other but any disagreements we do have would likely dissolve if I just took a moment before speaking. With my mom it is even worse, with her I am always ready to pounce on any word I find failing.
I have taken dozens of courses at Landmark Education and understand clearly that it is my listening, or how I interpret what I hear, that is at the root of these situations but I am still hard wired to strike at the slightest perceived wrong. On the rare occasion I do catch myself and take that pause it unalterably nets a good result. Given that outcome it seems odd that I still find it so difficult!
When working out complex issues a pause is an invaluable tool. “What happens during that pause is that someone is thinking about something they have not previously considered. They are putting the question in a context that combines their knowledge, opinion, belief and audience. A thoughtful answer will illuminate the question (and the respondent) to the questioner and bystanders…
Socrates had it right. The “solution” to the resulting problems (people talking past each other and deadlock) is a greater respect for, and use of, the pause.” From the blog “Environmental Economics” in a post entitled “A Pause for Thought” by David Zetland.
Geoff Sheehy in his blog A Teacher Writes, writes about the benefits of pausing for a novice in any field. “In my areas of expertise (teaching, reading, public speaking) I am able to think and act fairly simultaneously (though for the best thinking I must even then stop acting), but when I am not an expert, the action takes too much of my concentration to allow me to engage my mind in two places.
Enter the consideration of the student. By definition a student is not an expert in the content being studied. That means that a student likely is not able to think and act at the same time; if a student is to think, he or she will need time to stop, absorb, reflect, and realize.” (Click to view the entire post entitled Time to Think)
The benefit of a pause is as obvious as the inability to pause appears to be a human condition. Nations have been struggling with the same things since the dawn of time. While it seems clear that the United States is not prone to great pauses it is encouraging to note that another country is doing so. Vir Saghvi a Mint Lounge columnist and the advisory editorial director of Hindustan Times (Click here for full article) India, writes with regard to their neighbor Pakistan, that India “learnt to hit pause before reacting” in 2008 following the Mumbai terror attacks. He says “If we went by American precedents, India would have no difficulty in offering a moral justification for an invasion of Pakistan… we don’t rush into knee-jerk reactions. We worry instead about how prepared we are to face their hostility. And we react with coolness and calm. That, to me, is a major achievement—and 2008 is the year it happened.”
A major achievement indeed!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, I am reminded that a pause can very well lead to serenity both for me and others! How about you? Change begins at home. If warring countries can do it I think we can too!
Will you join me in making 1-2-3 Pause a habit?
I normally have to catch myself AFTER I’ve reacted internally, because it’s so automatic! But I’m getting better at grabbing myself right in the moment of “I’m angry!” or “I’m sad!” etc., and saying “slow down, what’s the root of this? Let’s figure it out.” It’s helpful. I’m getting there, slowly but surely. The “pause” is the greatest thing in the world. It’s NOT a stop, it’s a gentle shift.
I must try to remember to PAUSE. Sometimes I act or speak before thinking carefully.- a useful pause would definitely do right by me. 🙂