Surprise for Control Freaks

Welcome to Tuesday’s with Chel.

Each week Chel Micheline of Gingerblue will offer her perspectives on our Bliss Habits. Please enjoy the wisdom and clarity she offers.

As someone who considers herself to be a control freak, the element of surprise doesn’t always fit into the “big picture” of my life. In fact, until very recently, I over-planned probably in a subconscious effort to *eliminate* surprise.

The truth is that as I get older, I’m finding myself not only open to surprise, but also leaving space for more surprise in my life.

“Surprise” can have an edge to it, don’t you think? After the age of 13, “surprise” becomes less about unexpected happiness and more about scrambling to figure out the appropriate response to something you weren’t expecting. Sometimes the surprise is good, but as we get older, it’s always a little more complicated.

Recently I have discovered that surprise can be a regular element of life without having that “oh, crap!” element to it. The key, at least for me, is to *plan* for surprise. I know “planning for surprise” seems counter-intuitive, but there’s a method to my madness. Let me explain…

For instance- I love tea. I mean, I REALLY love tea. I drink about three cups a day, and I enjoy every single one. Having a cup of tea is one of the things in life that I look most forward took, take significant pleasure in indulging in, and allow myself to splurge on. It’s a big daily ritual for me. I have a huge drawer full of loose teas, about sixty varieties- black teas, flavored teas, exotic teas, blooming teas, comforting teas, herbal teas, scary teas (the teas that smell a little strange or have a bizarre flavor that I’m a little scared to try…), yummy teas, teas designed to make me sleep, etc. I love every tea I own- I’ve got too much tea to hold on to any that I really don’t like. I’m fairly ruthless and VERY picky about my tea.

Where’s the surprise in all this tea? Well, it’s in the daily *selection* of tea. Every time I put on the kettle, I go to the tea drawer and reach in and grab the FIRST tea that appeals to me. No second-guessing, no deliberation, no agonizing over tea selection. It’s a little ritual of surprise, three times a day, every day.

I mean, sometimes I choose a tea for a specific reason (too close to bedtime? Gotta be decaf. Not feeling good? Should be mild…) but mostly I let the little ritual play out. It’s fun and I enjoy it.

So it’s a bit of a mash-up between allowing for the simple pleasure of a surprise (not knowing what tea I will drink) and controlling the factors in it (no matter what tea I choose, it’s one I love).

Another thing that brings a big “surprise” factor in my daily life is gardening. It seems pretty formulaic, but it’s not. You never know what’s going to happen in a garden. Not every seed grows. Sometimes things grow where there was nothing planted. Sometimes plants bloom when least expected, or shoot off a baby plant at the stem. When I purchase seeds, I always try and buy mixes (same plant, different varities and or colors in the same seed packet) , so I never know what color flowers or foliage I will get until the seed grows and a bud forms and it blooms. Every day when I go out to my garden, there is a surprise waiting for me. Most of them are excellent surprises, sometimes unfortunate surprises, but all within my “I feel okay about this” boundary of well-being.

Another thing I do is get a lot of my art supplies via mail order. Not only are the prices better online, but I like the little built in surprise of not knowing exactly what day the package might arrive. Even though I know what’s in the package, I get a little giddy waiting to see if the UPS truck might pull up with my goodies every day. I take exquisite pleasure in unwrapping the parcel and laying out all the supplies in a row, checking everything out, and then putting everything away in a good spot. (And a lot of the companies I deal with include little samples and extras in with the order, so that’s always a bit of a surprise, too.)

But I think the biggest indication that I am becoming a little more open to surprise is that I’ve stopped planning my days. I have a general routine I stick to in order to keep things running (and to keep myself sane) but after that I refuse to plan my days. I mean, I will grudgingly make a doctor’s appointment a few weeks in advance simply because I *have* to, but lately I have been reluctant to plan anything ahead of time unless it’s absolutely necessary.

I didn’t understand why the heck I was suddenly approaching life this way, after years of keeping a DETAILED daily planner and needing to obsessively map out my time weeks in advance.

The reason is this- I’m leaving myself open for pleasant surprises. I’m leaving a space open for good opportunities, a space for happiness. A space to do exactly what I feel like doing, at that very moment in time. Life itself becomes a bit of a surprise that way.

And I have to say, some of the happiest days in the last few months have been spent doing things based on last-minute decisions, and spontaneous activities that have sprung up out of nowhere.

So I’m finding more ways to honor “surprise” and the positive ways it can exist in my life, despite the fact I’m a control freak. I’m going to continue to try and cultivate the element of surprise in my life, and see where it takes me. I invite you to do the same.

If you have ways of incorporating surprise into your daily life, I would *love* to hear about them. Please share your ideas in the comments!