Pick Up Your Pruning Shears

So excited to have our “Growth Correspondent”  Meg Toledo back with us today. You may recall her contribution The Tiniest Steps to Growth, last Growth week in which she encouraged us to plant seeds in our soul. Today she is back helping us to prune those very seeds which have now sprouted.

When I worked at the zoo, I had to climb up a hill and cut branches off acacia trees for the animals to eat. I’d slide on my gloves, grab the pruning shears and study the trees to see which ones were ready to cut. I cut very green, healthy looking branches, so that the animals would have nourishing food to eat. And I cut off dead branches, too, because those hinder the growth of the tree. I chose where to cut carefully, because if you prune incorrectly, or without paying attention, you can actually create pointy, dead branches, ones that just sit there, inhibiting any new growth. The choice of exactly where to prune determines the health of the whole tree. And only by cutting away the parts that no longer serve the tree could there be room for healthy growth to occur.

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Recently, I confess, I tried to gossip with my mother. I told her something, and expected her (as she had done a few times in the past) to jump on board with my criticisms. Instead, she casually said, “Well… everybody’s different.”

I felt so annoyed at her. Why did she act so differently than I’d expected? Why wouldn’t she dog-pile with me on the subject, add fuel to my fire? I wanted company in my ranting, gosh darn it!

Then I had to stop and ask myself, why am I so annoyed? And of course the answer is, because she was right. Everybody is different. There was no reason to criticize. I was just being mean.

Then I dug a little deeper. Why was I being mean? Because the people I felt like criticizing were in a place I wanted to be. A-haaaaa…

I stared into the complex intertwining pattern of how I’d been feeling, discovered something growing I hadn’t even realized was there. I reached in, grabbed that piece of me that was not serving me well, and sliced it out. There was now room for new growth, new thought. And it was this: If that’s where I want to be, it’s where I’ll head!

The feelings of annoyance at my mom lifted because she was only being fair and right. And the feelings of embarrassment, shame, and guilt I felt at myself for being Just Plain Wrong also lifted, because I could admit it. I’d cut away the decaying branches and suddenly there was room to see a brand new point of view.

It’s something we all can and should do, and here are a few tips for your new horticultural endeavor…

Step 1. Look closer. Usually the reason you’re feeling negatively about a person or situation is not the reason you think it is. There is often more under the surface. Reach within and find what’s there – what is working, what is decaying.

Step 2. Be willing to face and keep the hard, sturdy branches. There are many phrases that are so hard for us to say. “I was wrong.” “I’m sorry.” “I need help.” We think if these words escape our lips, we are somehow weak, but that is not the case. These are the strong branches we need to keep, the ones that hold us up in times of introspective confrontation. They allow us to shed the illusion of perfectionism, and admit we are flawed humans who make a lot of mistakes. And that is just how life is, and it’s okay.

Step 3. Forgive, cut, and let go. I don’t know what’s more difficult – forgiving others or forgiving ourselves. But we’re all in this together. We are all trying and tripping and falling flat on our faces, and hoping no one sees. Let someone see. Let someone give you a hand. Let someone correct you or refuse to engage your negative mood, and instead of getting defensive, listen. Look at what’s going on inside you, figure it out, then cut it down, and let it go, falling to the forest floor.

Remember to pay attention, and make careful, deliberate choices of what and where to cut. But do it. Pick up those pruning shears, and decide what needs to go. Do so with love, care and confidence, and soon, you’ll be standing taller, clearer, with space for new growth to blossom and flourish.

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Meg Toledo lives with her husband, toddler and two cats in Southern California. She is a freelance writer, a slow poke, and an animal lover through and through. She believes each day should contain at least one of each of the following: a burst of laughter, a kiss, a hug, and a moment to stop and just say, “Wow..” at life.