Living the Path

Welcome to Tuesday’s with Chel.

Each week Chel Micheline of Gingerblue will offer her perspectives on our Bliss Habits. Please enjoy the wisdom and clarity she offers. 

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” – Thomas Merton

When I first saw the word “order”, my thoughts immediately turned to the idea of organization.

I became really good at organizing things when I had a serious health crisis in college- I felt so overwhelmed by what was happening that the only way I could maintain a sense of order in my life was by becoming neat and tidy with my belongings. It’s a coping mechanism for me, something that brings me comfort.

At the very heart of “order” is the need for balance. Order and organization are both ways of figuring out what fits where, finding space for things and feeling good about keeping things where they belong. It’s also about clearing out unnecessary and unwanted things to make room for the new.

So here is my confession: while my home and personal spaces are very orderly, the way in which I live my life is not.

What I mean is this: I’m not living the life I want to be living. Not by a long shot. I spend way too much time on things I *think* I am supposed to be doing and not enough time on things I really want to be doing. I guess this is the case for most of us- this is just how life is.

I just don’t know why it is I can order my art supplies and my canisters of tea and the plants in my garden and my closets without a second thought, but when it comes to ordering my priorities, I feel like I am way in over my head.

I’m working on this, though. I’ve sifted through all sorts of information and advice on the subject. While I have yet to discover the magic solution to this issue, I did come across a bit of advice a few months ago that has radically shifted my perspective. That advice is:

Live the Path. Take the Goal as the Method.

In a class I am taking, Dr. Rick Hanson was giving a little talk about the human brain and mindfulness. When he addressed the idea of how to change habits, he said something that made me sit up in my seat: “Take the goal as the method.”

What Dr. Hanson meant was this- whatever it is you want to be doing more of, do more of it. Imagine the life you want to live, and think about the elements that life would consist of, and put them into practice immediately. It seems simple, but of course, it’s not.

The first thing to realize is that this process of getting life into “order” is not about changing ourselves. I know that sounds strange, but bear with me a second. When we put our houses in order, we don’t demolish the pre-existing structure and build something new, and we don’t trash EVERYTHING we own and just get all new stuff. We work with what we have. It’s like that with life, too- we are who we are. We have a set of personality traits and passions and behaviors to work with, and if we want to be successful with anything in life, we have to be authentic and honest with ourselves from the get go.

The second step is to figure out what the “goal” is. Don’t think about this too much- just go with a gut reaction. I mean, we all wish we could be more responsible, we desire to be as healthy as possible, we all want more energy and focus … the list can go on. Forget all that, unless something in that list REALLY strikes a chord deep down inside you. You have to ask yourself this: what do you REALLY want more of in your life?

For me, the goal that immediately popped into mind was serenity. I didn’t exactly know what “serenity” entailed, but I felt it would involve spending less time in a frenzied rush, trying to get everything done. It would also mean approaching situations thoughtfully instead of reactionary- I’m an extremely sensitive person and my emotions can often whip themselves up into a storm before I even realize what’s going on. Becoming more serene would mean gaining the skills to give myself a little more time to rationally process things.

After you figure out your goal, then you begin to break it down. For me, I had to ask: what would a serene life be about? I had visions of meditating during sunset, waking up super early and doing yoga, being still and quiet, reading lots of interesting and contemplative stuff, etc.

But then I needed to get honest with myself about all of that. One of my passions is swimming, and I swim four miles every day, so let’s be honest: yoga’s not happening for me, at least not on a daily basis. I’m interested in it, but not enough to change my swimming schedule. We’re kind of night owls due to my husband’s work schedule and my daughter’s energy levels, so there’s no way I’m ever going to be getting up at the crack of dawn anytime soon. And, to be honest, it doesn’t appeal to me all that much anyway because a full night of sleep is pretty essential to my well-being.

Those things being said, there are still lots of possibilities in my current life for immediate shifts towards the goal of “serenity”- I tend to spend the evenings outside, so meditating during sunset is a possibility. As is doing more of it- there are quite a few points in my day where I take a break between whatever is going on, and meditation could easily be fit into those pauses. I also do quite a few activities that could be interpreted as contemplative (gardening, swimming, stuff around the house, painting, beading) and there’s no reason that while I am doing those things I can’t try and be more mindful.

And, I love to read and try to make time for it as it is, so there’s no reason I can’t throw a few non-fiction books about mindfulness and contemplation into my pile. And there’s no reason I can’t take MORE time to read- it’s something I really enjoy and get a great deal out of. It will mean less time surfing the web, watching TV, etc. but that’s a sacrifice I can make and am willing to make.

This whole process- this process of deciding what the goal is, what the goal entails, what parts of the goal to keep and which parts won’t realistically fit into life, this process of deciding where and when things can happen in life, etc is a process of order. It’s the same approach you would take if you were organizing a closet- start small, in one spot, and gradually shift things around, work things out.

When you instill a sense of order to ANYTHING in your life, whether it be your pantry or your garage or your schedule or your priorities and passions, you are simply defining space for certain things. Order means going through what we’ve got and culling what’s not needed so that there is room for what is needed. It’s a process of give and take- a process of balance.

Like I said, I’m at the start of this process, this process of bringing more “order” to my daily life. It’s not going to be easy, and I know that I’ll change things up as my life changes, but I feel like it’s a step in a good direction.