Truth be told, I feel like I’m the last person who should be talking about habits.
Do I really have any, beyond squeezing toothpaste from the bottom that is, or running errands on Thursdays and feeding cats at 8:00am?
Okay, 8:00am feedings is their habit not mine.
Habits stay hidden for a reason.
Either they’re good for you and became part of normal, or they’re not so good and you don’t really want to know.
Because if you do, then you start shoulding all over yourself – should start, should stop, should someday.
Should creates a pretty broad swath between now and when then begins.
Health clubs count on this every January 1st.
Twenty-one days does not necessarily a change in habit make.
The will and mind are mighty powerful when called upon to rise to a challenge.
But therein lies the problem.
Energy is focused on reaching an end, not a life or a way of being.
I’ve sucked it up for 90 days only to mark each square on the calendar until my time was up.
The only commitment was to prove something wrong – including me. Or say “I’ll show you.”
But the reason is not grounded in the Knowing of a new way.
Change happens when I let go.
Sourced from a decision made deep within.
We’re not always aware of why, but an Inner inkling can light the way forward.
Twenty-one days gives us something to hold onto.
A chance to believe what we can’t, or don’t want to right now.
The Inner Decision, however hidden, has to be made for the rough spots ahead to be navigated.
Struggle does not create openings for change or flow.
Opposition, competition and defiance fuel more of the same.
A habit can look like it’s working when really nothing has changed.
A habit will not transform you into something you want to be.
Transformation begins long before, in who you are being.
Your being decides first and successful habits follow.
Be clear about who you are and you’ll live a life of purpose.
Habits will meld into normal or fall by the wayside.
Living Bliss is a jump-in-with-both-feet look at where Life bumps into the everyday – whether at work, play or times in between. Bliss knows no separation in the end. From a deeper dive into the ordinary pops forward the extraordinary life we search for – and has been there waiting for us to be.
Blissed by cats, potatoes and clouds, Lorraine is a “left-brained creative big picture idea” type who never stops questioning or connecting the dots to make real what isn’t yet seen. She uses her knack for combining intuitive abilities and logic to help re-ignite what Lights you up inside and answer the Call. Lorraine’s deepest wish is for you to be full of yourself in everything you do – a life truly lived in bliss.
Hi Lorraine,
You are so right about the 21 day habit, or 30, 60 or even 90 days. We can achieve these and still not change fundamentally. It does show us we can do something with focus and determination. It does give us a sense of achievement. But it doesn’t necessarily get at the root of why a habit is or isn’t there in the first place.
We really need to look at our values and beliefs underneath. To see what drives us. To understand the “why” of ourselves. Only there will we change our actions to align what we do with who we are. If we don’t understand who we are, we can’t know what behaviors or actions serve us best.
Hi Lorraine,
I love this post! Maybe its the wisdom that comes with age, but I’ve been so turned off by my old stand by of changing a habit. I used to power-through. If the challenge was eating right for the next 3 months, boom, I would discipline myself and get the deed done. Now, I look at my life and see myself struggling with habits I’ve built and later broken over and over only to start in again on changing the habit.
Your article put it so beautifully. It’s the inner decision that must be made – not to reach a goal but to live happier. That’s my life goal now. So when I look at a habit, I’m more interested in whether that action is creating more joy in my life. I think working on finding the joy inside of me is what will determine my new habits, if I will even call them that. 🙂 Your article really got me thinking – thank you!
Hi Lorriane,
So true! “Be clear about who you are and you’ll live a life of purpose. Habits will meld into normal or fall by the wayside.” We tend to loose inner joy when our actions are not aligned with our true desires. As I have streamlined by life goals over the years, I have experience so much more joy and peace! Thanks for sharing.
Wow, this struck a great chord, Lorraine! I’ve been wobbly from time to time with the whole 21 days to a new habit thing. It took a while to realize something about what you said, which is so key: “Change happens when I let go.” Getting clear about change and why sets the stage for the day of change really becoming a time of transformation, not just a wrestle with self/ego, etc.
Hi Lorraine,
great food for thought.
‘Shoulding’ is probably one of the worst things we can do to ourselves. ‘Should’ has the built in ‘done wrong’ and posssibly even shame for when we don’t live up to it.
I believe the word ‘should’ would be best to be removed from our dictionarry.
Yes, 21 days can be helpful especially when we are in touch with the ‘deeper why’, what it is that we want to feel because of the changes we made.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights!
Love and Light!
Yorinda
I love all these insights of knowing ourselves more deeply and using that awareness to create change. Not because we should (Yorinda, I’ll second the nomination for deletion) but because our lives become even richer expressions of our true selves. I am so appreciative of all these contributions expanding the conversation so much further.