I recently met up with Kevin Tyler Smith over on Google+ where he happened to share one of my posts with his followers. I said thank you, went over to his fabulous site Guarding Shalom to find out who he was and was just blown away. I started following him on twitter (as everyone should!) where he welcomed me with gracious arms, immediately tweeting out about Bliss Habits and inviting his tribe to follow along. His inviting warmth is contagious and his generosity and wisdom are a complete treat.
Over on Guarding Shalom he tells us “Peace and harmony with self are not stations you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” We are lucky to have him Kevin Tyler Smith traveling with us today:
You don’t need to be a saint to find inner-peace nor do you need any superpowers to bestow and reap the liberating benefits of using three tiny little words.
As I get older, the one thing that I grow more mindful of are the feelings of others. In the same breath, it is still very hard for me to offer any sort of verbal reparation for any unintended slight. My ability to swallow my pride is becoming frictionless but to open my big mouth to utter just three tiny little words, “I am sorry”, continues to be a challenge.
Don’t get it twisted, I thrive on being considerate of others. It just makes me feel good to treat them the way I would want to be treated. However, life sometimes has a way of cursing us with being victims of circumstance. We’re all human and any right-doing may be precluded in such instances.
“Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind.” ~Buddha
I have been on the receiving end of wrong-doing without apology countless times. Is it intentional? I’m not sure, the jury is still out on that one. Most likely the impetus is a product of “dog-eat-dog” social conditioning.
I firmly believe the negligence of amending transgressions is spiraling out of control to the detriment of well-being and the death of the human spirit. That is why starting with a simple apology using these three little words, “I am sorry”, is an imperative. It is a gift of the utmost importance.
The Benefits of Apologizing
The best part of apologizing is that healing begins. A sincere, genuine apology, even one expressed online, has great restoring power in hearts of damaged relationships. In fact, some of my best triumphs in life have come at the hands of repaired friendships.
If saying “I am sorry” is a formidable challenge for you, just think about the benefits to the offender and the receiver:
- emotional healing begins immediately
- the receiver is empowered to move away from anger
- relief from a guilty conscience, no more mental burdens
- the confidence the friendship can survive, stay emotionally connected
- the offender is likely to not repeat the same offense
- less chance for ulcers, blood pressure problems due to unresolved anger
- an improved positive image and you will be held in high integrity
- humility, there’s not a more honorable service to another than to lift them up
A genuine apology is sort of a risk as there is a possibility it could be used against us. But more often than not, it will be well received.
The Code Amidst the Atonement
I’m a firm believer that fortune favors the moral. Humbly extending your hand in apology is a risk worth taking and you will be rewarded in the long run. Your healing could quite possibly transmute into something much greater than all of us…convergence for good.
“There is a strength in the union of very sorry men.” ~Homer
For instance, what if, by apologizing, you positively blessed the human race with abundant gifts never before seen? What if, by restoring your friendship in humility, the convergence of your joint efforts lead to the eradication of cancer forever? What if your crazy philanthropy idea wiped out poverty, worldwide? What if you used your shared hobby of computer programming to design a software program to detect and stop all crimes before they happen? The sky is the limit.
Why shy away from the possibility of life changing consequences? Never underestimate the power of humility. You can see for yourself – open your mouth and say these three little words, “I am sorry”. Doing so could quite possibly lead to the greatest gift mankind has ever seen.
Swallow your pride…humanity needs you.
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Kevin Tyler Smith is a writer for a remarkable small tribe of serenity seekers at Guarding Shalom.
You can follow his escapades on Twitter @kevintylersmith
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I totally agree that a genuine apology can be a great healer, but I have become aware that often, apologies come very easily to some – almost as if saying ‘I’m sorry’ is a way of getting them out of a situation when they know that they have done something ‘wrong’. How often have I heard someone say that they are sorry and then go on to repeat the action that led to the apology in the first place! So maybe we need to look at how easy the apology is – if it’s too easy then it’s not really sincere and when it’s really difficult we know we mean it!
This was such a wonderful post, Kathy. It is amazing how a phrase such as “I’m sorry” can have such healing power. And it is sad at how many people never offer it in a heartfelt manner.