At Your Service

This is going to sound horrible. I know so, but I’m going to share it anyway:

When I hear, “service”, I cringe. I take it personally.

All of the things I’m currently doing, all of the things I’ve yet to do that are flooding my to-do list, all of the the things I’ve been meaning to do, forgot to do, want to do and don’t want to do wash over me. Thinking of adding one more thing to that list feels like the proverbial straw that will break the camel’s back.

Then (because there weren’t enough emotions there already) the guilt floods in. How can I NOT want to be “of service; helpful or useful”? What type of person AM I?

If your head just started nodding along in agreement, I offer you an empathetic hug and ask you to read on.

Being of service – to our selves, to others, to the collective whole – is obviously something that we feel is of value. We intuitively know that this way of being is beneficial. We are also reminded, beginning with lessons in grade school, through cheesy motivational workshops in our places of employment, to media reports and billboards that tell us how we can be of service. To our country, to those less fortunate, to our children and our neighbors…

And it is EXHAUSTING.

There you go. Elephant in the room.

This isn’t just about forgoing self-care in the name of caring for others. It is about a life lived in blind pursuit of some perceived common good. It is about a tricky way of still feeding the ego (I’m being GOOD, right? Yay me!), of still living a life of shoulds (I should help, be of service, even if I have nothing left inside of me), of trying to be instead of just being.

It is about trying to be instead of just being.

You and I are naturally helpful beings.

It might seem counter-intuitive, depending on how you were raised. Most of us see one another (if not ourselves) as basically selfish beings, driven to survive before all else, craving “mine” in place of yours. So we act upon that – hoarding, clinging, defending, attacking. We unconsciously prove our own beliefs.

So how are we all not scratching one another’s eyes out and hiding in our homes clinging to our toys? How do behaviors of service emerge?

Some discover, after years of this type of MINE-mine-mine behavior, how unfulfilling it is. Others, in moments of mindful silence, feel driven beyond the egoistic need for self-preservation. And they act – some in small ways, some dedicating their lives to paths of service. Not because they should, but because of who they are.

They are not trying to be helpful. They simply are.

You do not need to try to be helpful. You simply are.

As the wonderful quote goes,

You are perfect just as you are and you could use a little improvement – Shunryu Suzuki-roshi

Remember that many of us hold a deep view of “self” and “other”, and that we feel we must fight to keep what is ours. SERVICE, coming from this perspective, is always something done for other in sacrifice of self. (Or service to one’s self in sacrifice of other)

To work into this practice of SERVICE being who you are, it is important to first work with this belief of “mine” and “yours”…and then work on your actions.

Try this:

Go through your day today trying to see everyone as YOU – you walking down the street, you handing yourself your change, you driving in the car in front of you.

Look beyond the clothes they are wearing, their gender or style of hair. If it helps, imagine it is you dressed up in that attire.

You know you. You know what you need today. So offer it to yourself.

Perhaps it is a smile, perhaps it is permission to not smile, perhaps it is silence, or a bit of conversation. Look into your eyes. What do you see reflected there?

If you are hungry, offer food. If you are tired, offer a brief moment of silence in which to rest. If you are frantic or fed-up with being at work, offer a smile to ease the tension.

Don’t try to be of service today.

Just be you.