Are you practicing the things you want to be practicing? A mother’s confession.

 

 

I am incredibly lucky to be “Momma!” to a funny, imaginative six year old daredevil girl. I get to share my time watching delight pour out of her heart. Everything is exciting to her. She wakes up every day with a smile ready to dive head first into life.

I’m proud to say that we start every morning with a little snuggle. She comes bounding into my bed, puts her head on my chest and squeezes me tight. Sometimes we ask about dreams or exchange I love yous but most often we sit in happy silence. This perfect start to my day lasts several minutes until I notice the clock.

“If we don’t get moving now we’re going to be late!”

I release myself from my daughter’s cozy embrace and rush off to make breakfast and a lunch. It begins innocently enough as I prod my daughter to stop her game of make believe and to “Please get dressed.” The closeness of our snuggle fading with every manipulation to take just “one more bite” and “please put on your shoes.”

Rush, push, prod, we make our way “in the nick of time” to school each day.

At drop off I feel myself relieved. I got her there. The precious closeness of our snuggle has been squandered for agitated timeliness and at least now I can get to all the “important stuff” that begs for my attention.

By the time I pick her up from school, my head filled with deadlines and tasks I wished I’d fulfilled, I am already calculating how the rest of the day will go. We’ll stay here for a while and get there in a bit. If we grab a snack now we can avoid a crash later and maybe, just maybe if I let her watch a show or distract her with an art project I can have a few more minutes to myself.

We have a schedule. She has activities and play dates and stuff with which to play. All of it orchestrated by me to “maximize” her time and, if I’m to be honest, to give me space. The most fulfilling and happy moment of my day is spent being fully, 100% with my daughter. No schedule, no stuff no anything- only affection but then I spend the rest of day practicing the ways to keep us apart.

Worse yet, I dangle the unlikely chance of future closeness like a carrot as we go through the rest of our day.

“If we get everything done we can play.” I say knowing at most we will have 15 minutes to have uninterrupted time of her choosing. I count on her not meeting my arbitrary deadlines so that I can fill my time with “getting things done” rather then spending the time with her.

I’ve been practicing rushing and prodding.

I’ve been practicing ways to distract rather than ways to get close.

 

And it has got to stop.

I can feel you jumping quickly to my defense. “We all do it.”

“We’re busy. Surely it isn’t really that bad.”

“You are good mom, you have a happy girl.”

And while I know this all to be true, I don’t want to let myself off the hook.

 

We are all practicing something. The question is, is it something you want to be practicing?

• I’ve been practicing avoidance instead of coming together.
• I’ve been practicing frustration instead of compassion.
• I’ve been practicing coercion rather than kindness.
• I’ve been practicing manipulation instead of cooperation.
• I’ve been practicing timekeeping instead of memory making.
• I’ve been practicing stress instead of fun.

 

How about you? Are you practicing the things you want to be practicing?

What if instead we started practicing the things we actually want in our lives?  

What will you be practicing?

 

Footnote:

I wrote this at 6:00 am this morning and when my girl snuggled up next to me at 7:45 I resolved to have it be different. I have decided to prod less and tickle more. I let her know that I wanted our mornings to be more fun. Somehow with only the intention and no more time in our clocks we managed to have a happy and easy morning together. She got dressed, she ate and we got to school on time. We also snuggled longer, played some chess (a new passion for her), talked about this blog post, and giggled about the bows she wanted to put in my hair.

I let her know that I would be telling you that I was making this promise to be more fun, to which she asked, “Will they care? Do they know me?” I said I thought so, but even more important then that was that I care, and she could tell me when it felt like I was forgetting. Delighted with this new capacity she promised that she would.

It was all as simple as an intention! I’m very very rusty but from now on I promise in my house we are practicing to be fun!

What are you practicing in your home?

 

Regarding the art today:

* My girl asked to see the post and I showed her the mother and daughter art I was considering to accompany it. I was leaning toward a different painting but she requested I “choose this one” because “See Momma! In this one I am even singing a song!”(You can see the other contenders here.)