Yes, I said demanding.
Joy is a fabulous thing but I am here today to suggest, no to shake you up and to get you thinking about your relationship with JOY. As with many of my Bliss Habits, I am generally prodding you to notice the small gifts that each of these habits can offer. I’ve been telling you to look for the little moments of bliss that have been hiding in your days and while that is all well and good I realize that it really isn’t good enough!
Now I am NOT saying that we shouldn’t appreciate these small moments. Please do. Relish everything you can. What I am asking you is have you unintentionally set your JOY bar too low? Have you drifted into your life and arrived someplace where you think that “this is all there is?” Have you arrived in a this is mostly pleasant place in life where rocking the boat or reaching for more seems outlandish or even impossible? Have you heard yourself thinking this tell tale sign that you are not demanding enough joy?
- Things aren’t THAT bad.
Think about that phrase. You know you have heard yourself saying it somewhere. Here are some places it frequently pops up:
- My job isn’t THAT bad.
- My fitness level isn’t THAT bad.
- My relationship with (pick someone) isn’t THAT bad.
- My financial situation isn’t THAT bad.
- My marriage isn’t THAT bad.
- My weight isn’t THAT bad.
- My eating habits aren’t THAT bad.
- My wardrobe isn’t THAT bad.
- My hair isn’t THAT bad.
- My house/yard/room/desk isn’t THAT bad.
- My car isn’t THAT bad. (Whether a comment on type or on cleanliness!)
- I’m not THAT bad about recycling.
- I’m not THAT bad about…
I could go on and on. What are your NOT THAT BAD places?
It is an insidious little phrase, designed to help us feel a little bit better about a situation we would much rather change. Unfortunately it is also a powerful phrase. The second we utter it, in addition to meekly saying we are not satisfied with the situation we are also declaring we are NOT planning on doing anything about it. The moment we say something isn’t THAT bad we have, in essence admitted defeat. I don’t like it, but I have these other things that are THAT bad, I will be spending my time there.
Take something as mundane as laundry. I operate continuously in the arena of NOT THAT BAD here. If things are “at least clean” but not folded, it isn’t THAT bad. If they are folded but not put away, it isn’t THAT bad. If the clean things are shoved in a drawer or on a shelf out of sight, it isn’t THAT bad. If I have a huge pile of dirty stuff but still have a clean pair of underwear for myself and hubby, it isn’t THAT bad. Pretty much every state around my laundry situation is NOT THAT BAD. I’ve never actually taken the time to consider what JOYFUL laundry could look like.
I’m always going to have laundry. Even if I become wealthy enough to have someone do it for me, I will still have to mange it. I have to keep the clothing in a way that allows me access to the stuff I and my family want to wear. So given this, what could/would it look like if I wasn’t constantly annoyed with, dreading or ignoring my laundry?
First, it would not look like a burden. Doing laundry would feel like a privilege. Not a woo woo, yippee!! I get to do laundry sort of thing (although you can feel free to create that if it works for you!) but a if I follow this process with my laundry I can be assured of having the clothes I want to wear available and easy to find. I imagine the freedom of not having to dig through the dryer or six piles of stuff to determine if what I want is available to wear. I wouldn’t have to schedule in 20-30 extra minutes each day for looking for stuff and/or for working with what I can find and feeling generally dissatisfied by my choices.
Having things in order (can you feel the segue into next week’s order week?) would free me up to think about other things. If laundry were actually handled in a way that gave me freedom and ease in my life I would have room to look at something else… like breakfast for example. The fried egg and toast wasn’t THAT bad but I’ve seen enough cooking shows to know it could have been a whole lot better!
A couple of weeks ago I told you that getting present to small complaints was going to be my access to gratitude. In much the same way, I am now going to use that insidious phrase “It isn’t THAT bad” to be a beacon for places that need my attention. No, it is not THAT bad today however if I spend the next 20 years never addressing all my NOT THAT BAD places I will march myself right into a pretty miserable existence.
You see, ten or twenty years of NOT THAT BAD diet choices will lead me to being overweight, possibly sickly and more then likely with limited energy… not to mention a possible shortened lifespan. Ten or twenty years of a NOT THAT BAD job will become miserable torment that spills over into all areas of life. In ten plus years, NOT THAT BAD relationships dissolve or worse yet degrade into dysfunctional bitter fests that suck the life out of you.
NOT THAT BAD does not have a happy trajectory even as it tries to sell you on its pitifully hopeful stance. Yes, certainly things could be a whole heck of a lot worse but the time has come to demand more.
From now on, the moment I begin to tell myself that something isn’t THAT bad I will consider what my life would look like if I leave things as is for the next ten years and instead ask:
- How can this be better?
- Could I change something to have it go differently?
- How can I move in the direction of more joy?
- What could make the difference now?
or
- What if I ……. (insert ANYTHING and see what shows up!)
Because asking anything will be better then living another ten to twenty years living into NOT SO BAD. I’ve decided my life is worth living at a much more joyful level. Looking for tiny specks of joy is fun but for me it is time to demand more.
Will you be joining me?
Trying this again! Can you hear me now? 🙂 If so, I’ll pop back in a sec and try to repost the comment I couldn’t get to go through . . .
Success! Here’s the comment I tried to leave yesterday:
Wow, absolutely fantastic post! I found my way here via LifeUnity on Facebook and boy am I glad I did.
I’m a huge cheerleader for finding little moments of joy in daily life . . . but you are SO right about letting “not that bad” comments and attitudes slip in. I have definitely done that.
I am working on it, though, digging at the root of when I’m more frustrated in my life and seeing what I can do to change it. For instance, I love having friends over to our house, but hate spending all day cleaning. WHY do I wait, when taking ten minutes every day to pick up, wipe up, tidy up would make a huge difference in my joy level?
Here’s to demanding joy! Thanks for a heart-challenging and encouraging post.
Thank you Amanda! You are persistent green AND a persistent bloggy friend. I really appreciate it!
A few weeks ago I was in my bathroom, washing my face, and sort of doing the internal whining about the whole wash face/put away bathroom laundry/floss & brush teeth/then go cook dinner routine I follow every night. I suddenly heard an internal voice say “but this is exactly where you want to be right now…”
It was an odd thought, but as I scrubbed my face I considered how valid it might be. The truth is, I chose this routine. I follow this routine. It must have some value or purpose otherwise I wouldn’t do it every night. I don’t know if it’s the most exciting thing i could be doing (no, it isn’t…) but I try to remind myself that ultimately I make the choice to go in there and wash my face. I make the choice to fold laundry. I make the choice to go swimming or get up in the morning, etc. So I try and remember that behind everything I do is a choice I made, and a good reason for that choice, even if it doesn’t seem remarkably joyful at the exact moment.
(sorry for all these rambling comments tonight- I’m just feeling very happy to be sitting in my studio for a few moments and have some time to digest and respond to these great posts!)