A couple of things I know for sure about Romance

photo © 2009 Prayoga D. Widyanto | more info (via: Wylio)

I don’t claim to be an expert on Romance but I did something very smart once. I asked for what I wanted.

• Ask for what you want

About six years ago now,  I publicly declared that I wanted to be “wooed and wowed” for the rest of my life. I did this by advertising that very fact on Craig”s List. I actually said in the ad that I wanted to be wooed and wowed forever.  When I did it, it was kind of a lark. I intended it as a conversation starter more then anything else. Was I ever surprised when the men who answered were actually willing to try doing it!

Previously in my dating life I had tiptoed around my real wishes, trying my hardest to appear like the kind of gal men would like to date. I was polite, I went WAY out of my way and never said anything when I was disappointed. What I didn’t realize is men really do want to please us and generally they are pretty clueless about how to do it.

Previously, if things went well for me it was most likely because some woman before me had actually trained the man to behave in a way that worked for me.  I never wanted to be “pushy” and because I enjoyed meeting new people it was just as easy to date someone new, to find what ever trait I might be looking for at the moment, then it was to actually say something to the guy I was dating. I’m sure it baffled many but it wasn’t until I courageously decided to put in that ad what I really wanted, that dating became really fun and eventually I was even willing to consider a “happily ever after” sort of arrangement with someone.

Even after I decided my Sweetie was the one for me, men I had met during the say what I really want phase of my dating life continued to drop me emails to ask if I might consider dating them again. They liked the direct approach and wished other women would do the same. Even now, if my Sweetie and I are having any difficulty with our relationship I can, nine out f ten times, trace it back to my not being clear about my expectations or desires. I delude myself into thinking he knows me so he should be able to figure it out. The bottom line is he just wants me to be happy and it is easier on him if I just tell him what will do it.

• Romance should be scheduled

This second thing I know for sure about romance comes as a result of my Bliss Habits experience. When I first started my experiment to inject more Bliss into my everyday life, Romance Week showed up every three months ( I also have a Passion Week in there which has some crossover!) and during those weeks I really thought about romance and made a very deliberate attempt to inject more Romance into our life.

Just knowing it was Romance week caused the two of us to be different with each other. I became the recipient of  unexpected back rubs and suddenly it seemed compelling to create elaborate dinners and to spend time sharing a glass of wine rather then turning on the television. We slowed down and recalled what it was like when we first began dating.

Certainly, I’m all for the unexpected surprise (Surprise is also one of my Bliss Virtues!) and if you had asked me before I undertook this game I would have said that scheduling romance sucks the magic out. In practice however, this just isn’t true. Just having a special romantic event on the calendar made the rest of the week a lot more fun and when I was planning a surprise I felt happier and more fulfilled going about my daily life. Just thinking about romance nets romantic gestures… it is a win win vicious circle!

During my blog hiatus six months passed without a scheduled Romance Week and I can tell you that our relationship suffered.  Things were not bad, they were just missing a level of delightful play that  we both enjoyed. We are already enjoying  having the dates back in our calendar.  Another nice thing about having our personal romance holidays is that we both feel less pressure during the non romance weeks. We can relish in the quiet comfort of our day to day living while musing on the grand gestures to come.

• So, why don’t you try it.

If you don’t have a significant other and you want one, consider posting an ad or posting an online profile which states EXACTLY what you really want. If you do have a special someone, try telling them what it is you want and use the Bliss Habits calendar to guide you or put a special date on your own calendar to celebrate Romance. I promise the act of scheduling romance will make you feel very romantic!

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