Well isn’t this a fine kettle of fish, everyone thanking me for all my positive energy around here, and I have decided to participate in Friday Flip offs! I was originally just going to “RANT” today but then I found out about Kludgy Mom’s Friday Flip Offs and I thought perfect!! Don’t worry, I will be returning to my regularly scheduled good will once I get a few things off my chest! It is surprise week after all… hopefully you are at least a little surprised by my tone or this forthcoming diatribe is ill conceived… anyway, let’s get started.
To the woman in the red Jeep in front of me – FLIP OFF! It is annoying enough that you have to chain smoke with your window open in front of me at a traffic light but then you had to flip the lit butt out of your window so I could enjoy watching it smolder on the pavement. Littering is tacky enough but we live in California where fires start because someone looks at the dry grass the wrong way… a little wind in the right direction and you could take out a subdivision. What the hell were you thinking?!!!
To BP – FLIP OFF!! OK we get it you have absolutely no idea how to fix your disaster but if I have to watch one more “sincere” advertisement about how you are going to “make things right” I am going to spontaneously combust. As I mentioned above, I live in California so in addition to the gulf coast annihilation you will be responsible for a fire that takes out Northern California.
To my Fat Jeans – FLIP OFF!! You have got to be kidding! I was willing to release you from the top shelf of my closet and take you for a glamorous spin to the grocery store and park but NO, you too have forsaken me with your belly roll inducing closure. Thank goodness your sweat pant cousin is still available or I would be heading to the store half naked.
To my floors – FLIP OFF!! Why do you have to be a magnet for filth and grime? Can you not remain clean for at least three seconds so I can enjoy walking across you without stepping in something sticky or wet?
And Finally…
To the earth – FLIP OFF! While I am really grateful that you have decide to give us all a gorgeous place to live could you please just slow that orbiting around the sun down a bit? 24 hours in a day is just NOT enough. Could you back it off a bit and give me 28 or even 30 hours? No wait, even better, could I call you the day before and let you know what I need tomorrow?
Hey that was pretty cathartic! How about you? Wanna flip someone/something off?
Tell us all about it!
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