It takes Moxie to confront the school board and follow your Bliss

photo © 2009 Tambako The Jaguar | more info (via: Wylio)

 

Somehow, all around the world, women who wouldn’t necessarily think of themselves as having MOXIE don their moxie capes as the protecting mother. I am so happy to share one of those stories today.  I introduced you to Marianne last week when I told you about her 100 Day Gratitude Challenge and today we are lucky to have her speaking on the topic of moxie.  She may not have called it Moxie at the time but I would not get in this mother’s way any more then I would try and take that cub from the mama lion.

You will be cheering her on all the way…  take it away Marianne:

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

First off, I’d like to thank Kathy for the opportunity to guest post on Bliss Habits. I’m excited and I hope to provide some useful thoughts and reflections on “moxie” as a virtue or way to foster bliss.

Under normal circumstances I would never have associated my personality with the term “moxie”. I’m quiet, reflective, reserved, predominately an introvert with the occasional peppery outburst.

To me, “moxie” is a “take-charge” word that describes someone who is out-going, someone who has zest and high-energy. At least, that was my impression up until I read the definition in the side-bar of Bliss Habits under “Kathys Thirteen Virtues of Bliss.”

11. Moxie – The ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage; vigor; verve; pep.

Hmmm. I know difficulty well; it’s been my lifetime preparation. “I can speak to that”, I thought.

My mind pondered each difficult moment going back in time from event to event until I came to the year 1992. That was the year I fought for my son’s life.

My son was 9 years old. I was a working single mom who barely finished grade 12 education. We had been a separated family since my son was 4 years old. He was my life. When he was born, I vowed I would be the best mom ever to him. I had no clue of the lessons that waited.

One such lesson involved learning how to deal with the school board when things aren’t going so well for your child. Up until 1992, my son spent the previous 4 years deemed a “special needs” child by the education system. The “special needs” children had “special” classrooms and given “special” treatment. The “special” classroom idea worked in theory, but to put it bluntly, practically it stunk.

One of the problems was that the special classroom moved from school to school depending on which school had the space, budget and desire to host the program. My son went to 4 different schools in 4 years by the time he was 9 years old. 1992 was the tipping point, the system was failing my son and I had to do something about it.

During the previous 4 years, I learned some things about the bureaucratic hierarchy within the education system. There were levels, processes, procedures to follow. And so I began.

The first person I contacted to plead my case on behalf of my son was the area’s publicly elected school board trustee. I went over my story detailing the inadequacies of the “special” program and how it didn’t meet my son’s needs. I further purported that the program was detrimental to my son’s well-being. The trustee sided with me and acted as a support while I went before each level of the bureaucracy as an advocate for the best interest of my child.

Next, I took my case to the teachers, principal, program psychologist, special needs committee, district superintendent and then to the school board’s special needs superintendent; I didn’t think about it at the time, but now, looking back I think this situation is my best example of a “moxie” moment.

It turned out that each level I addressed gave me the same response. In effect, they all said, this is our system and it is our recommendation that your son stay in the “special” classroom.

While I went through the process and addressed each level within the school board, I learned about and attended a public education debate where the Director of Education was invited from another region to debate the issues of “special need” classrooms. This is where the bliss part comes in.

Bliss- timeless moment where we connect to something much larger than ourselves.

I sat in the auditorium listening to the debaters in awe of what I heard pour forth from the mouth of the out-of-region education director. He reported that their school board had no segregated special need classrooms because they found that they didn’t work, so they abandoned the system and created a new one that integrated the “special need” child into their regular classroom with supports to ensure success. Hallelujah! This is exactly what I needed to hear.

When the debate was over, I approached the education director who I was in awe of and thinking I have no idea what I’m going to say to him. In fact, I don’t even remember what I said, all I do remember is that he gave me a paper that detailed a working altruistic school model where all children are integrated and supported by their peers. The children are taught how to support each other.

I left the debate that night not knowing where the region was that the director was from, all I knew for sure was that my son was not going to spend another year in a special needs classroom, I wouldn’t let him.

The end of the school year was a few months away. I had to have a plan in place for the beginning of the next school year before the summer holidays came. There was one person who hadn’t heard my story. That person was our own school board’s Director of Education. He was the man at the top.

I sent a 4-page letter, personally addressed to the Director of Education that detailed my experience and my son’s experience of the special needs class for the previous 4 years. It told of instability, inconsistency, mistreatment, segregation, lack of educational teaching and failure to see results the program advocated.

I expressed my concerns for the future and I stated the outcome I wanted for my son. I wanted my son placed in our local community school, in a regular classroom with a teaching assistant to help him transition and support his progress.

In the meantime, I couldn’t help but think about the education debate I attended. I needed to find out where the school board region of the awed education director was; the place where the special classroom system did not exist. I found out the city was a 1-1/2 hour drive from where we lived. I didn’t know how (that’s another story), but what I did know was that my son needed to be in an “inclusive” system, not the “exclusive” system he was in.

A month went by when I received a reply to the 4-page letter I sent to the man at the top. His response gave me the go ahead to enroll my son in our local community school for the following year and he would ensure a teaching assistant would be assigned. Furthermore, he stated that he would investigate the allegations and concerns I raised. Victory? I knew better.

I called the school board trustee to tell her the news.

“We’re moving”, I reported.

“You are? But you got what you wanted. Why?” she replied.

“If we stay here, my son will be thrown back into the “special needs” class at the first sign of trouble because it’s available and that is the mindset this group works under. In the new city, a new mindset prevails, there is no other choice to fall back on; a regular classroom with support is the only option.”

Preparing to move to a new city was like a walk in the park. The “how” unfolded before us with ease. I knew with all my heart this was a move that involved “something much larger than ourselves”. I followed our bliss. Was I scared? Hell ya!

Fast forward to present, currently my son is completing graduate studies in nuclear physics.

What I learned is this; when you have a strong knowing or feeling about something, regardless of what your head says, stick with it, be strong, have faith, things will easily line up and the Good will prevail.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marianne  can be found on line on her blog Grandeurvision where she also answers to the name Miracle Mama.