Step back for a sec and visualize how you feel when you’re committed to do something that you really don’t want to be involved with. Trapped? Obligated? Put-upon? Stifled? Stuck? Now think about how you feel when you’re digging what you’re doing. Alive? Blissful? Heart-centered? Easy? Sunshiney? You tell me: which energy would you rather be bathing in?
Welcome to Bliss for Business! If you’re an entrepreneur, small business owner, or career-driven individual, tune in on Wednesdays to join Dani on an adventure to learn how to bring your work life in harmony with the thirteen Bliss Habits.
“No” is an incredible, fantastic, empowering word. So much oomph in those two little letters. “No” gives you the freedom to simplify your world. “No” gives you the freedom to be your awesomest self. “No” gives you the room to say “yes”.
Of course, saying no—to a client, to a project, to a personal commitment—is also incredibly hard. While ultimately “no” versus “yes” is a gut decision, oftentimes our brain wants to interfere with our gut and muddy things up a bit.
So let’s clear the waters, shall we?
When to Say “No”
- If you’ve worked with someone—a client, volunteer coordinator, community leader, or organization—before, and it didn’t really click, or you don’t feel like you were able to do your best work with them, or weren’t able to effectively accomplish their goals, say no.
- If they make you feel icky or uncomfortable—personally, professionally, or otherwise—say no.
- If a past relationship has been difficult, making you regret your role—say no.
- If (and this is a biggie in business) they’ve consistently paid late and blown past deadlines, say no.
- If they are looking for something that you aren’t comfortable taking on (or willing to learn), say no.
- If they are trying to bully you into something, say no (this is, unfortunately, incredibly common in business.)
- If the project involves or is related to something that is not in line with your values, say no.
- If you’re not certain that you can commit 100% of yourself to the project and give it everything you’ve got, either due to time constraints or something else, say no.
- If they don’t have the budget to work with you, or the budget to do what they’re trying to do, say no
- If your gut says “run for the hills”, no matter how loud your brain is, say no
Why to Say “No” (Or Why Not to Say “Yes”)
Step back for a sec and visualize how you feel when you’re committed to do something that you really don’t want to be involved with. Trapped? Obligated? Put-upon? Stifled? Stuck?
That’s the energy you’re putting out there to the world. Icky, crappy, constrictive energy.
Now think about how you feel when you’re digging what you’re doing. Alive? Blissful? Heart-centered? Easy? Sunshiney?
You tell me: which energy would you rather be bathing in?
When you’re swimming in obligation and ick, you’re not doing your best work. You’re probably not even doing your great work. And rather than lift you up, that energy pulls you down, sucks you in. Keeps you on that dark grey path. And then when the good stuff does come along, you’re too mired in the muck to notice, much less take action.
And the folks you’re working with down in the muck? How exactly is that fair to them, when the work you’re doing, whatever it is, comes from a place of yuk? Yeah, it’s not. Whether you’re working with a new client or running a PTA function, the folks around you deserve to work with someone who will give them good, beautiful things.
Finally, and here’s your wifty farkle moment of the day, when you work from that trapped, crappy place, you’re creating a negative energy flow. (Bear with me here. Or bare with me. I’m not shy.) Commerce, whether volunteer or for good old paper cash money, is an energy exchange. Do good work, for someone expecting good work, and you’ve got a 1:1 exchange. Everybody feels good, right?
Ever do a really fantastic job for someone who just didn’t care? Left you feeling a little bit stiffed, huh? You put in 2 or 3 or 4 or even 10 to that person’s 1: unequal exchange of energy.
Now think about how the reverse. If the person you’re working with is expecting a 2, and the effort you put in amounts to only a 1, they’re left with that void. Feeling stiffed.
How to Say “No”
Once you’ve convinced yourself to go with your gut, once you’re ready to make the hole and let the universe work its magic, how do you say no without burning bridges and
- Be honest. There’s not always a need to bare your soul here, but honesty is pretty much always the best policy. If you’re not comfortable taking the project or client on, you can say that you don’t feel you’re the right fit for them.
- Stop, think and redirect. When you need to say no, try turning it around into a “yes” or an otherwise positive statement. For example, if you’re too busy to take on the project, try “Yes, I would love to work with you! My next available spot is in June” (or whenever your next available spot is). (Besides which, expecting you to be available immediately is the equivalent of asking someone out on a Saturday night…on Saturday at 5 PM. You’re more important than that. You’ll be washing your hair.) If payment is the issue, but you’re willing to work around it, say “yes, I’d love to work with you; let me send you an invoice for the full project amount, and we can get started once that’s paid in full.” Be cautious that you only offer things you’re willing to commit to, though! If you really don’t want to work with this person or on this project, a good way to say “yes but no” could be, “I don’t believe we are a good fit; however, I’d be happy to refer you to X”, where X is a person you’re comfortable referring to or a directory of appropriate providers.
- Negotiate. If they don’t have the appropriate budget for the project, but are open to other options, try negotiating with them on scope. If, for example, they would like to work with you for six weeks of one-on-one sessions but don’t have the cash flow, perhaps a 3-week package (or course) that you offer would work for them. Be sure to offer only things that you are confident will serve them, however! Don’t cut your scope in half just to meet their budget if it’s not going to provide them with what they need and expect.
- Refer. If what they’re looking for really isn’t your thing, try referring out to someone who does it. They’ll get a good match for their project, and you’ll get a bit of matchmakery satisfaction. 🙂
Plus, hey, helping people out feels good. You do a good and helpful thing when you say no. What can you say no to today?
Bonus: Most, if not all, of the reasons to say no can be really great opportunities to evaluate your personal actions, business processes, communication techniques, and the way in which you carry your values throughout your day-to-day.
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Dani Nelson is a geek and a hippie with a passion for helping smart, creative entrepreneurs make their businesses better. Her secret ingredients? Strategy, tenacity, tasty beverages, and two unshakable beliefs: that you (yes, you) have awesome things to share with the world, and that marketing doesn’t have to be awful.