Subtle Shifts

Welcome to Tuesday’s with Chel.

Each week Chel Micheline of Gingerblue will offer her perspectives on our Bliss Habits. Please enjoy the wisdom and clarity she offers.

“Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good, even in unpleasant situations. Start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful.” — Marelisa Fábrega

As I have written before, I’m sort of in “recovery” from being a complete and absolute cynic about the importance of gratitude. This “recovery” has been a very rewarding process, but it is taking time and patience. I’m starting to think of gratitude as a knot that was tied very tightly inside me when I was a child and I’m slowly unraveling it.

When I was born, and the doctors discovered I had Spina Bifida, no one knew what to expect. No one could give my parents a prognosis, or give them any sort of predictions about what my life would be like. They feared the worst, and hoped for the best.

And while they sat by my side while I went through various surgeries, procedures, recoveries, years of physical therapy, they witnessed MANY things that made them realize that my situation was actually quite a blessing. They saw many things that made them realize they could have it much worse. That *I* could have had it much worse.

And they were right. But the truth is, I was still a little kid with Spina Bifida. I was still having to take off months of school at a time to recover from surgeries, wear special shoes, go to physical therapy every afternoon, and deal with quite a bit of pain and heartache that came with the disease. And it’s not easy for a little kid to see the blessings in disguise in a situation like that, not when every other kid she knew seemed to be perfectly healthy and present for life.

So when my parents *insisted* that I recognize how “lucky” I was, and scolded me for not being overly cheerful about my lot in life, I didn’t get it. I even started resenting the idea of gratitude. (I was just NOT going to be thankful for baby-blue orthopedic shoes when I was 13. No way. I still cringe thinking about them!)

And I held a grudge against gratitude for a long time. I had no pressing desire to examine that grudge, or try and get past it.

That is, until last year when I began a really serious study of well-being and the neuroscience behind it. Gratitude came up constantly in my research. Every expert, psychologist, neuroscientist, and spiritual leader emphasized the importance of gratitude.

I was very annoyed by this, because gratitude was the *one* thing that I felt I had no natural affinity for. I could meditate, I could pray, I could positive-think myself out of a ditch, but gratitude was just unchartered territory for me and I really had no desire to figure it out and begin some sort of trek deep into the wilderness of appreciation.

Unfortunately, there was just no way around it- I was going to have to figure out a way to make gratitude work for me.

So I started small, and authentically. I approached gratitude with a little caution. I didn’t want it to be fake. I had tried gratitude practices before, and came up with journals full endless lists of things that I was *supposed* to appreciate about my life.

But I didn’t want to do that anymore. I wanted to actually feel gratitude resonate deep inside me. I wanted my appreciation to be real, and genuine, and something that I could continue to build upon.

And in my careful approach, I discovered that there are many, many ways to approach gratitude and appreciation, and even more ways to make it a regular part of life. But there’s ONE big revelation about gratitude that I have had fairly recently, and I wanted to share with you:

Gratitude is not always a big feeling. In fact, more often than not, it’s actually pretty tiny.

If you’re searching for BIG feelings of gratitude, like I was, you’re probably going to be disappointed. I learned this the hard way.

At the very beginning of my gratitude investigation/practice, I tried to find examples of times when I felt true and authentic gratitude.

I came up with two experiences that seemed to stand out:
– The gratitude I felt when I got good news and/or recovered quickly from something medical-related, and
– The gratitude I experienced when someone was overtly kind or generous to me without expecting anything in return. (

It was only after *really* thinking about these situations that I realized that NEITHER of these experiences was about gratitude at all.

In the first example, what I was experiencing was actually tremendous relief. And in the second example- that was more of a mixture of positive feelings (surprise, excitement, anticipation, love) all jammed up into one big happy emotional response.

Don’t get me wrong- I realized that gratitude was present in *both* of those situations. But I think that the gratitude happened *before* the bigger emotions (such as relief and/or happiness) set in.

I think instead of being found in the BIG feeling, gratitude was actually within the little shift in perspective that allowed me to realize something good was happening.

For me, gratitude seems to function as a “refocusing”- it’s a change in my perspective that suddenly makes certain things appear to be much more positive. I guess it’s sort of like a little pair of glasses for my heart.

The simple act of appreciating something allows us to see life in a more positive light. And even if it’s just for just a moment, it changes things- it changes our outlook.

And when our perspective on life changes and shifts towards the positive (even in just tiny increments), a space opens deep inside of us. And that space is where the good and big emotions (relief, happiness, joy, surprise, love) reside. The more space we make for them, the more well-being we experience.

For many years, I made the mistake of thinking gratitude was a “big emotion”, and I believed that because I was not feeling gratitude in a BIG WAY, I wasn’t feeling it at all. I was waiting for gratitude to fill me up, to make itself known in a LOUD and EXPRESSIVE way. And when that didn’t happen, I assumed there was no gratitude at all.

I’m starting to realize now that gratitude was always there, it was just more of a whisper than a bang.

Of course, this isn’t the case for everyone- I have met some amazing people who experience and feel gratitude in very big and powerful ways. And if you are one of those people, I am envious of you. ☺

But for those of you who are like me, a little bit cynical about this whole “gratitude” thing, try looking for it in smaller ways. Don’t demand it to be big, and don’t try and force it if it is really small or if it barely registers. Just look for the subtle shifts in perspective before something good happens.

Feel for that gentle shift inside you that opens your heart up for a positive shift in emotions or energy.

And if you’re not feeling it, *find* something you know will make you happy (a square of chocolate, a cup of tea, a new box of crayons, a funny video on YouTube) and take the time to notice that split second when your soul shifts into a more positive state.

THAT’s where you will find gratitude.

 

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