If you knew you only had a year to live what would you be doing?
Everyone has considered this question from time to time. I believe it is useful, particularly when your days are filled with loathsome tasks. If you are spending your days doing things you dislike it always time to change that. However, when one’s life is rolling along pretty well this question doesn’t quite turn up the heat enough to produce a useful answer.
“Oh I’d pretty much do the same things, maybe I’d stop working.”
“I’d visit my kids (mother, friends whoever) and I’d eat more dessert.”
These kind of answers indicate that your life is happening pretty much the way you would like. As I sit here, my answer feels similar. I would want to spend as many moments as possible with my girl and Sweetie and I would eat more dessert.
Yesterday in response to my post about asking questions, Diane said, ” One question you could be asking is what are you REALLY committed to? Not, “What does it sound good and right to be committed to?”. And then, be really honest with your answers.” I think this is an excellent inquiry. It is so easy to blur these lines. I believe it is “good and right” to be environmentally conscious so buying things that cause less waste and/or are recyclable are a nobrainer. However, if I am running late or don’t take the time to prepare properly, I will grab a bottle of water from the store or buy some prepackaged food item. I SAY that I am committed to the environment but my actions tell me I am actually MORE committed to convenience.
Where I am left with, when I consider Diane’s question, is that I really wish I was more committed to the things I think are “good and right.” At the core of it, I am currently committed to my whims. Not wrong. Not good or bad (would be useful to read Lisa of Life Unity’s post on Judgement as you ponder this.) This is just how it is. It is also why it is easy for me to answer “I’d eat more dessert” if confronted with less then a year to live.
But the same answer works less well when I hopefully have 40-50 more years.
Getting clear about what I am REALLY committed to points me in a rather lackluster direction. This may not be the case for you and perhaps I measure things differently but I have always pictured a grand and glorious life that includes a whole spectrum of exciting and creative endeavors. It includes making a difference on a whole host of different levels both local and global.
When I wrote my list of 48 things I am passionate about I included “living in this day and time” because I really feel we are at an exciting cusp in human development. The internet has evened the playing field for so many and everywhere I seem to turn someone is talking of a spiritual awakening of some kind. It is a unique and wonderful gift to be alive now and I really don’t want to squander the opportunity. If I continue as I have I will.
Not good, not bad but for me, sad.
Knowing what I am REALLY committed to isn’t giving me the trajectory I want. When I look back in 40 years, “More dessert” will NOT be very satisfying (not to mention that it could lead to living much less then 40 more years!) so once again I am left with my query from Monday.
What Question should I be asking?
What is the question that changes my trajectory? Mars Dorian would say it should be one that gets me angry and I think he may be on to something. I have been living my life as if my slow meandering pace was going to get me where I want to go. It has given me a really nice life but when I look back NICE isn’t going to satisfy me.
It is time to get present to my anger. It is time for me to look in the pockets of my soul that are calling. It is time for a revolutionary new path.
I am also clear that I am not willing to start entirely from scratch to accomplish my new revolutionary status. My nice life affords me the luxury of pondering these types of questions. My nice life gives me space that allows for new things to arise. My nice life is a privilege and I should use it wisely.
I’m getting excited. The question that changes my trajectory is
Who do I want to be?
- I completely respect and am in awe of people who live their convictions. People like the No Impact Man thrill me. I imagine being the sort of person who would do something like that but in reality I am not ready to go that far.
- I regret regularly that my Peace Corps career was cut short (I was medically disqualified by a jaw tumor a few months before my planned departure) but can’t imagine taking my family along for a similar ride.
- I love the idea of loud and luscious living but I like quiet evenings at home far too much to keep up an outrageous lifestyle.
- I love the life I have but I am not fully content. This is the bottom line.
To answer the question “Who do I want to be?” I need to honor who I already am. It is easy to see how diving radically into some cause or another could potentially give me the past I wish for in 40 years. A satisfaction born of service and selflessness is very compelling. It is also, likely, very hard to sustain. A nice life is much easier to keep going but it isn’t necessary to deny one or the other. Who I want to be is BOTH! I don’t need to toss everything aside and start over (something I used to do by moving or taking a new job whenever the yearning for something tugged at my heart.) I also don’t need to give up heroic escapades in service of a greater good just because I have a family and responsibilities.
Who I want to be is a Practical Revolutionary!
Just saying it…( go ahead try it out for yourself!) changes the context in which I am living. It changes what I am committed to and Diane’s question doesn’t make me sad. When who I am is Practical Revolutionary entirely new questions arise. Happy Kathy Sprinkle with the nice life will wonder what’s for dessert. The Practical Revolutionary wonders things like:
- What is the real (not imagined, spin or hype accepted) cost of doing or not doing things with regard to the environment?
- What is the best way to make a difference in the political realm? (Write a letter, join a protest, boycott… what really impacts decisions?)
- How can I do the most good with the least effort?
- When I make a charitable gift, where does my giving make the biggest difference?
- How do I help my child and other children become the leaders they are meant to be?
- How do I leave the planet a better place then when I first arrived?
A better set of questions nets a better set of answers…
The Practical Revolutionary makes a difference, takes time for bliss and even occasionally has dessert.
Now, this is the life I plan to live!
Who do you want to be?
I love the question: ‘How do I leave the planet a better place then when I first arrived?’. I think this would be a great question to base how I live my life! I think I may have to adopt it!
Kathy, this is AWESOME. Beautiful in its depth and inspiring in its meaning. I am truly in awe at everything you have challenged yourself to examine and some of the questions you are living with. (I don’t know if there are ever really answers…the juice is in the question.)
Just…WOW.
Very beautifully stated, Kathy. Let the Practical Revolution begin! Theresa